-So, Bill, it is great that
you’re here and back in 30 Rock. -Thank you, Seth. -We have many memories working
in this building. And we’ve been good friends
for nearly 15 years. -Yeah, that’s correct. -But, sometimes, when you know
somebody for that long, there are moments
when feelings get hurt. -That’s true. Yeah,
you don’t always have a chance to stop and say you’re sorry. -So I thought, with the time
we have together right now, we would make amends
for any past indiscretions we’ve committed against one —
committed against one another in a segment we’re calling… -“Seth and Bill Clear the Air.”
-“Seth and Bill Clear the Air.” [ Chimes clinking ]
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -I will start. Bill?
-Yes, Seth? -I’m sorry that I forgot
to return your call last week. Both of my kids had colds, so things were crazy
around the house. -[ Sighs ]
[ Laughter ] -It was a really important call. I really needed you, man. I was freaking out,
and I needed a friend. And, uh,
you were nowhere to be found. -Oh, my God.
What happened? -[ Sighs ] I couldn’t remember
the name of that Kesha song. [ Laughter ] The one she did on “SNL”
in 2010. -“TiK ToK”?
-“TiK ToK.” Right.
[ Laughter ] -Bill, do you forgive me?
-Seth, you are forgiven. [ Chimes clinking ]
[ Cheers and applause ] My turn. [ Cheers and applause continue ] Seth?
-Yes, Bill? -I’m sorry about getting you
kicked out of that party last year. -Yeah. Why did you do that? -I didn’t think you were
really Seth Meyers. [ Laughter ] I thought you were
a Seth Meyers impersonator because you looked so tired
and, well, fat. [ Laughter ]
You looked really, really fat. [ Light laughter ] -I weigh as much then
as I do now. -Oh, well, y-you look great now. [ Laughter ] Anyway, I’m really sorry. But it was just one party,
right? No big deal. -It was my birthday party. [ Laughter ] -That makes sense,
because you looked really old. And, uh, fat.
[ Light laughter ] Anyway, do you forgive me? -Bill, you are forgiven. [ Chimes clinking ]
[ Cheers and applause ] My turn. Bill?
-Yes, Seth? -I’m sorry I forgot to return
the book you lent me last month. I’ll definitely give it to you
the next time I see you. -Seth, do you have a soul? [ Laughter ]
-What? -That is my property.
My possession. What kind of friend — No, no. What — What kind of man —
Just — Okay, you know what? You just take. You take and you take
and you take, and you don’t care. -I’m really, really sorry. -I don’t want to be bullied
anymore, okay? If this is — If this friendship
keeps being this toxic, I’m out.
-I will get your book back. -Oh, you’ll get me my book back. ’cause that’s my only copy
of “Catching Fire,” okay? The second book in the
“Hunger Games” series. And, for my money,
the best of the three. Now, the next time I sit down to read
the “Hunger Games” books, I’m going to get
to the third one and be like,
“What the [bleep] is going on?!” [ Laughter ] Because I don’t have
“Catching Fire”! -You could watch the movies.
-They made movies? [ Laughter ]
-Never mind. Bill, do you forgive me? -Seth, you are forgiven. [ Chimes clinking ] [ Applause ] My turn. Seth?
-Yes, Bill? -I’m sorry that, if we were
stranded on a desert island, I would not hesitate
to kill you, eat you, and use your bones
as hunting tools. [ Light laughter ]
-I’m sorry. Are you apologizing
for a hypothetical situation? [ Light laughter ]
-Yes. Because the killing and eating would happen really fast.
[ Laughter ] Like we wouldn’t
even be starving, per se. We’d be hungry, sure. But, like, how you’re
hungry before a dinner on a day when you’ve had
a decent-sized lunch. [ Light laughter ]
-Uh-huh. -And it’s not like
we’re on an island that doesn’t have food. It has vegetation. A lot of slow-moving boars
that are easy to kill. And for some reason, tons of Costco-sized boxes
of corn flakes. [ Light laughter ] -Then why do you kill
and eat me? -I’m sorry. I should have started
this whole thing differently. Seth, I’m sorry that
I want to kill and eat you. [ Laughter ] -Hypothetically? [ Laughter ] -Sure.
[ Light laughter ] Do you forgive me? -Bill, you are forgiven. [ Chimes clinking ] [ Applause ] My turn. Bill?
-Yes, Seth? -I’m sorry
I wasn’t able to be there when you hosted “SNL” last
year — I couldn’t make it. But I watched it the next
morning on my DVR, and you were great. -Yeah, the show’s
best watched live. -I’m sorry? -You see, Seth,
it’s a real high-wire act. Nothing really beats the rush of performing live
on national television. I mean, you probably
wouldn’t get it. -I was on “Saturday Night Live”
with you. We were in the same cast
for eight years. -You were?
[ Laughter ] What characters did you play? -Well, I didn’t really play
any characters. -Because I played
a lot of characters. One of my favorite characters
was Stefon. [ Cheers and applause ] I used to go on “Weekend Update” and do these
3-to-4-minute pieces that turned into
12-minute pieces ’cause I started laughing.
[ Light laughter ] It was amazing.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I was there.
-You were? [ Light laughter ]
Well, it’s hard to see who was in the audience
with all the lights off. [ Laughter ] -No, I-I was hosting
“Weekend Update.” I was sitting next to you. [ Laughter ] -Oh, yeah.
-[ Chuckles ] That was you.
[ Laughter ] Yeah.
-Yeah. You were a lot younger.
[ Laughter ] Yeah, and not as fat.
-All right. [ Laughter ]
Anyway, do you forgive me? -Seth, you are forgiven.
-Oh. [ Chimes clinking ]
I love you, Seth. -I love you, too, buddy.
[ Cheers and applause ] This has been… -“Seth and Bill Clear the Air.”
-“Seth and Bill Clear the Air.”