[Insert disclaimer here]
[These are the main English subtitles. For added awesomeness, please click the English (Canada) subtitles. Thank you!] ???: War… Greed. Pollution. Destruction. The world has been overcome by naughtiness. It cannot be saved. It can only be culled. Christmas… is ho… ho… …over. (POP) GOKU: Merry Christmas Eve, Bulma! GOHAN: And Happy Holidays, Mr. Piccolo! PICCOLO: You know, I actually do celebrate Christmas. GOHAN: Really? PICCOLO: Yeah; if you think about it, I’m basically the Son of God. KAMI: ‘Oh, Jesus Christ…’ PICCOLO: ‘Kinda.’ NAIL: ‘Wait, so does that make me the Holy Spirit?’ PICCOLO: ‘Kinda.’
KAMI: ‘Kinda.’ BULMA: Um, have any of you seen the news today? GOHAN: The only thing my Dad watches on Christmas
is the Rankin Bass Rudolf movie on loop. BULMA: Well… MAY: May McStand here, live from West City, where a toxic
miasma has the local townsfolk collapsing en masse. GOHAN: Good thing we Instant Transmissioned. MAY: In unrelated news, several machines have been descending
from the skies via dark *ungodly* orb in the outer atmosphere. (TV turned off) TRUNKS: I don’t think that’s unrelated. GOKU: Someone or some*thing* is trying to ruin Christmas again. And that’s got me Chris-miffed. GOHAN: Solid pun, Dad. GOKU: Thanks. I’ve been waiting for
someone to try and ruin Christmas again. BULMA: Those machines are the ones expelling the gas. It’s some kind of aerosolized coal particulates, but… Something’s weird about it. TRUNKS: So what? Is someone trying to
kill the whole world with Miner’s Lung? GOKU: *Gasp* Be careful, Gohan! You’re a minor! GOHAN: (taken aback) I’m…surprised you knew that– GOKU: (panicking) So, is Piccolo…and Bulma! GOHAN: (disappointed) Oh… You meant character. GOKU: And Vegeta! VEGETA: The f**k I am! GOKU: Oh. Hey, Geets! When’d you get here? VEGETA: I live here, you dolt. BULMA: Could’ve fooled me… TRUNKS: What’s up, Dad? You’re looking… uncharacteristically wistful. VEGETA: Well, it’s just… Every Christmas Eve–before it was replaced by Freeza Day– I’d sit out on my porch and fire into the night sky, hoping to kill Santa. GOKU: (gasp) Oh no! You never hit him, did you?! VEGETA: I thought I did once, but it was
actually just a pod carrying my brother, Tarble. They never found it… or the body. What I’m saying is it’s Christmas Eve and something needs to die. So I’m feeling a little nostalgic. TRUNKS: I have an uncle?? VEGETA: You *had* an uncle. GOKU: There it is. One of the machines that’s ruining Christmas. First, we blow’em all up. Then we find the Grinch that made them, and send that grimacing green monster straight to HFIL! PICCOLO: Um… GOHAN: Not you, Mr. Piccolo. GOKU: Who wants to blow it up? 1-2-3– VEGETA: Mine! GOKU: Aw, dang it. (Explosion) VEGETA: Ha ha! And *that’s* how Vegeta saved C–! rrrrrrrrap. GOKU: Want I should take a swing at it? VEGETA: Go to hell, Kakarot! FREEZA: Oh please. *Do* go to hell. GOKU: *Surprised gasp!*
FREEZA: Oh please. *Do* go to hell. It’s wonderful, this time of year… *I should know*. GOHAN: Freeza! FREEZA: That’s right, Monkeys! We have returned for our revenge! GOHAN: Is that like the royal “we”, or… FREEZA: Yes! Also, no. Come forth, villains of Freeza Day past! COOLER: Brother, we agreed on villains of *Christmas* past. VEGETA: Cooler! SLUG: Okay. So like, I showed up in July. I-I’m just here for revenge. You know…more or less– PICCOLO: Slug!! TURLES: And I’m more than happy to take another crack at this nut! GOKU: Dark *me*! TURLES: Dark yo– (baffled) …you remember me, right? GOKU: Of course. Every time I look in the mirror. TURLES: No, I’m– VEGETA: Turles, right? TURLES: Yes! …Oh my God; Prince Vegeta?? VEGETA: How’s the tree doing? TURLES: Destroyed. VEGETA: And *this* is why we don’t let the lower class have nice things. GOHAN: And herrrre we goooo with the politics… FREEZA: So, Monkeys! TURLES: (offended) Dude! GOHAN: …And the racism. FREEZA: We’re here to make this your last Freeza Day on Earth. COOLER: Seriously, it’s always got to be about you, doesn’t it? FREEZA: Well, that is what father said.
[music winds down] COOLER: He also said he loved us both equally. FREEZA: Well, you know how fond father was of *jokes*! COOLER: And that’s why he had you *second*, punchline! TRUNKS: This is really uncomfortable. GOHAN: Yep. That’s Christmas. GOKU: Alright, guys! Let’s jingle these bells! VEGETA: I refuse to fight to that. (Fighting sounds)
[♫ “Jingle Bells” Orchestral Mix ♫] (Explosion) (Ki blast sound) (warping sound) (warping sound) (warping sound) (warping sound) (warping sound) GOKU: Killing them isn’t working! GOHAN: It’s something in the air, Dad! (coughs) COOLER: That’s right, fools! Let’s just say you’re
getting a little more than coal for Christmas. FREEZA: Freeza Day! COOLER: F**K. OFF!! GOKU: You know, Christmas is a time
where we should all come together– TURLES: You’re right. So, let’s all come together… …so you can all *die* together! FREZZA: God rest ye, Monkey gentlemen. [♫ Christmas In Hollis by RUN-DMC playing in Bulma’s ride ♫] BULMA: Hey everyone~!
[♫ Christmas In Hollis by RUN-DMC playing in Bulma’s ride ♫] [♫ Christmas In Hollis by RUN-DMC playing in Bulma’s ride ♫] I ran a bunch of tests on the gas,
and I discovered that it’s not just coal, but pure, concentrated *naughtiness*~! So I took some of baby Trunks’ blood and
synthesized enough niceness to destroy the– GOKU: Magic baby blood. Cool. BULMA: Right? Now, I’m off to go destroy the other machines. Also, visit some African warlords. FREEZA: (confused) Did– …did nobody shoot her? SLUG: Why didn’t you? FREEZA: Because I have *you fools*! COOLER: I’m sorry, dear brother, but I thought it was all about *you*. FREEZA: Oh stop being a prick! (ki blasts) (explosion) PICCOLO: Cathartic as that was, I don’t think this is over. GOHAN: That did feel more like a symptom than a cause. GOKU: Hold on! Let me check with the big guy upstairs. (telepathically) Hey, King Kai! KING KAI: (t) Oh, hey Goku! Merry Christmas! GOKU: (t) Merry Christmas, King Kai! Quick question: Do you know if anyone is attacking the Earth, right now? KING KAI: (t) Oh yeah! *Real suspicious-looking*
mini-moon sitting around in your upper atmosphere. I was gonna tell you tomorrow since, you know, it’s Christmas… GOKU: (t) But it’s Christmas Eve, though. KING KAI: (t) Not in this time zone. Anyway, that thing is *overflowing* with naughty energy. So, whatever you do, be careful. Or don’t. Whatever, I’m like, 5 eggnogs in. ???: I see. You have failed me, my dark ornaments. (villains’ screams of agony) But… it is of no concern. Soon… the whole *world* will know the *true* meaning of Christmas. GOKU: Not on our watch! ???: Oh, good! You’re right on time! Welcome to my workshop… The Star of Death-lehem! PICCOLO: Wait, “workshop”? Like… “Santa’s… Workshop”? ???: Yes… *My* workshop. GOKU: (Long, Excited Gasp) SANTA!! GOHAN: Dad, he is the one trying to destroy Christmas. GOKU: Huh? But…that would make him… …*evil*! DR. LYCHEE (posing as Santa): I’m the one with the lists here. I decide good and evil… and you’re *all* at the top of my naughty list! Piccolo, you tried to subjugate the entire planet! PICCOLO: Pft. Sins of the father, much? DR. LYCHEE: Trunks, you’ve completely destabilized the
space-time continuum, with your reckless time-travel! TRUNKS: That’s absurd! (classic TV sound) I have no idea what you’re
talking about. The space-time continuum is fine. DR. LYCHEE: And *you*, Vegeta… Jesus Christ, I– …I mean just… wow! There’s not enough time in the *day*… But how about we *start* with the hole you put in my sleigh?! VEGETA: HA! I *did* hit him! DR. LYCHEE: And *you*! GOKU: Um… DR. LYCHEE: Your ceaseless lust for battle has endangered not only your family… but your *entire planet*! TIME, and time again! You are a danger to the *entire universe*! GOKU: Whaat? That’s crazy. How could *I* ever endanger the whole universe? GOHAN: Wait– But, what about me? DR. LYCHEE: You’re actually on the nice list. Merry Christmas, Gohan. GOHAN: Oh wow. Thank you so much, Santa! I wonder what it–
(unwraps gift) Oh, it’s Moby Dick… (gasp) …in French! Merci beaucoup, Père Noël!
[(in French) Thank you very much, Father Christmas!] DR. LYCHEE: But for the rest of you, and this un-salvageable planet… the only present I have is– VEGETA: FINAL FLAAAAAASH!! VEGETA: FINAL FLAAAAAASH!!
DR. LYCHEE: GWAAAAHHH!! DR. LYCHEE: GWAAAAHHH!! VEGETA: GOT HIM! MERRY CHRISTMAS FOR VEGETA! GOKU: Vegeta, noooo! VEGETA: Vegeta, YEESS!! PICCOLO: Okay, so did we just… save Christmas? …Again? GOKU: No. It’s ruined. (crying) We killed Santaaa!! HATCHIYACK: You fools! You cannot kill Santa! GOKU: I knew it! [♫ “Silent Night” Orchestral Mix ♫] HATCHIYACK: Prince of the Saiyans… *Yule* regret your actions against the mighty Claus! VEGETA: Ah, “yule”. Like the log, right– Oh, holy night–! AARRRGGH!! HATCHIYACK: What you destroyed was merely a leftover shell from my… Christmas Eve-olution. You see, Saiyans… …you’re not dealing with the average Father Christmas, anymore. GOKU: Oh my God, he’s gone Super Santa! HATCHIYACK: And I’m a right grumpy old elf! (Z-Fighters groaning in pain) PICCOLO: Oh! I’m out! VEGETA: Eat your milk and cookies in Hell!! (ki blast) (explosion) Yippee-ki-yay… (skyward) MOTHERFUCKER!! HATCHIYACK: You better watch out. VEGETA: Umm… SANTA: You better not cry. GOKU: ‘Aw, this is my jam!’ HATCHIYACK: You better not pout, but you’re gonna die. GOKU: ‘I don’t like this version.’ HATCHIYACK: ♫ Santa Claus is taking you down. ♫ Garland Gun…! VEGETA: You what, mate? HATCHIYACK: …Fire!! VEGETA: Shit! (explosion) TRUNKS: Why did you just stand there? VEGETA: Haha, it’s the last thing he’d expect. TRUNKS: Merry Christmas, Dad. GOKU: I gotcha, so–! WAAH! HATCHIYACK: What child is this, who laid to rest on Santa’s lap, is bleeding?! GOHAN: (painful groans) (ki blasts) (explosion) PICCOLO: Not really feeling the “goodwill towards men”, up in here. HATCHIYACK: I’m all out of goodwill, but here’s a stocking-stuffer for you! PICCOLO: Starting to get *real sick* of these Christmas pu– UH-BUH-BA, BUH-BA! GOHAN: Mr. Piccolo! I’ll punch your Christmas lights ou–! GAH-UUHG! (punching sounds) GOKU: ‘Oh man, this is bad!’ ‘They’re getting pa rum pum pum pummeled up there!’ ‘Think, Goku. How do we save Christmas?’ ‘Wait… that’s it! I see now!’ Guys! I figured out his weakness!
[♫ “Carol of the Bells” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra ♫] HATCHIYACK: Ho ho… oooh? (fighing sounds) GOKU: You see, Santa? Christmas isn’t about the presents…! (explosion) It’s not about the figgy pudding…! (explosion) Or the pretty lights… …or the *obnoxiously catchy* music. And most of all… It’s not about you! KAAAAAA… HATCHIYACK: Fools! I’ll crush your Christmas spirits, and then
I’ll send this naughty world to oblivion!! PICCOLO: Goku’s right! Christmas is about
the bonds that bring us together! TRUNKS: It’s about friends! GOHAN: And family! VEGETA: And killing Santa!! GOKU: And that’s the true meaning of Christmas!! HAAAAA!! (ki blast) VEGETA: HAAAAA!! (ki blast) TRUNKS: HAAAAA!! (ki blast) PICCOLO: HAAAAA!! (ki blast) GOHAN: HAAAAA!! (ki blast) HATCHIYACK: Ho! Ho! No…!! (explosions) GOKU: And now… he’s Feliz Navi-dead. GOHAN: And that’s the last Christmas pun. (POP) (explosions toward end of the world explosion) (POP)
GOKU: (surprised) Woah! Hey guys! KRILLIN: Hey Goku, Gohan, Vegeta, Piccolo, and Trunks! CHI-CHI: Gohan, where have you two been? GOHAN: We went to go see Santa. CHI-CHI: Awww. VEGETA: And we killed him! CHI-CHI: Ohhhh. KRILLIN: Huh. Guess you had to be there.
Anyway, who wants eggnog?! GOKU: Ooh, me! TRUNKS: Honestly, this is the best Christmas I’ve ever had. VEGETA: Damn right. A proper Saiyan Christmas! PICCOLO: You know, a lot of people probably died in that smoke. GOKU: Oh. Well, we can wish them all back… Tomorrow! VEGETA: YES! BOXING DAY! [BAM] KRILLIN: Ahh! My ‘nog! GOKU: Merry Christmas to all! And to all, a good fight! KAISERNEKO: Hey folks! Hope you enjoyed Plan to Eradicate Christmas! If you did, how about you take a sleigh ride over to our Discord and
chat up other fans about it, and all the other projects we got going on? You can also ask us questions in the
Q&A channel, post and view fan art, and more! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and lots of love, from Team Four Star!